taking suggestions

This is what you wrote in your journal on your way to work:

“I rejected assistance. I rejected human compassion for alcohol.

Thursday, all I had to do was stay in my apartment, do laundry. Call the random girl. Drink my frappucino. Listen to the unspoken truth in Cathy’s eyes when I lifted that drink to my lips.

Friday, all I had to do was accept Lamont’s offer to go to the program at the church or stay home – do more laundry, work on the devil’s triangle idea for the restaurant. Paint something for my mother’s birthday.

Saturday, I just had to stay put in Claire’s apartment. Stay on the phone with Luxx. Watch Kill Bill vol 1 & 2 with Claire. Watch the rain & thunder. Meet new people at the apartment across the hall. Walk home alone. Contemplate suicide. Anything but.

Sunday, I had to wake up on time. Make it to church. Tell my mother ‘happy birthday.’

Instead I’m crying on the metro. Supposed to train someone how to work in a mailroom. Ex- convict in recovery.”

After that, you did what was suggested. You got a sponsor, Izzi. You went to 90 meetings in 90 days. You worked the steps and at the suggestion of your therapist, Wendy, stayed away from sugary things for a while. The most important suggestion you took though, was to stay away from relationships. Your motivations were so convoluted that there was no sense in even pretending like you were relationship material. That’s when you started to recover.

Put one foot in front of the other, turn to page 9.