In your journal on Day 25 you wrote:
“i'm trying so hard to learn how to stay here, to not check-out, get my shit done. I did, in the end do what i needed to. but i shot myself in the foot early on, and so was crippled all day long. and just like when i had knee surgery, wanted people to open doors for me, drive me places, and be extremely accommodating. i wasn't thinking of others, the more i do, the less hobbled my gait will be.
I want to be a savant. I want to be able to pick up any tool and be proficient with it, to not have to learn how to use it, but to have some inherent, clairvoyant knowledge of its depths and breadth. But tomorrow I'm going to pick up the same pen and have to learn how to write with my left hand like I tried to today, because my right - while practiced - has a mind of it's own that I can't control. My right hand is untempered, manic, and retards me, it holds the revolver. Tomorrow I won't pick it up.”
You’re still in the beginning of recovery, sorry. You can either continue on to pain that you don’t understand (page 17) or return to pain you do understand (page 5).
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