say when

Week 46. Your oldest cousin George got married to the quintessential southern bride. Your mom, little brother, and little sister loaded into the car at 4am and headed south. You lost my shit somewhere in North Carolina over an invitation that wasn't extended to you to go to the nail salon with Mary (the bride) who had invited your little sister. At the time, you thought that it was your Aunt Stella that had not included you and so in a huff asked if you could go along, and also pointed out to the family members in the car that it was hurtful and rude for Stella to not think of you or of your mother on this excursion to be pampered. To this, Emma, your little sister, said that the reason you weren't invited was because she is Stella's favorite. To which, you retaliated the only way you could, turned up the music that you knew she wouldn't like and prayed hard that you wouldn't say something hurtful back. Turns out it wasn't Stella's idea at all, it was Mary’s and she had no idea that you were even coming. So after venting into the phone to your new temporary sponsor, Lala, calling Emma a cunt and a bitch, complaining to my mom, you made it to the appointment. Emma was about in tears because she didn't know any of the people there getting their nails done, so she might have been glad to have you around, including her in conversations and sharing smirks when the step-mother and mother of the bride were competing over whose nails looked the best (along with making some risqué remarks about those "little black girls" and generalizing that just about all Vietnamese marriages are arranged - it was a throw back).

After some sunbathing, getting shit from your family for the tattoos, everyone made it over to the Rehearsal dinner. Your uncles were talking about going golfing the next morning with George and his friends while the bridal party went and got gussied up. Uncle Neil fell while cleaning the pool on Wednesday and so they were short one in one of the fours. You asked if it was for guys only, or if you could come along. They said you could, and you arranged for your Uncle Bobby to drive you over with you cousin, Chris "City Boy.” At 7:15am the next morning you get a knock at the door, completely missed the alarm clock (which was supposed to be from your little brother who was sleeping in Neil and Chris' room), mad dash to get some clothes together and then you were out the door. In the parking lot, Chris asks you if you have
any other shoes, that he doubts flip flops are allowed on the green.

You say, “Well, will they allow me to play barefoot, that's how I've been driving?”
He responds, “Doubt it.”
“Do you think they have shoes for rent?”
“Seriously, like a bowling alley? Doubt it.”
“Well, we'll see.” You say.

Everyone gets there and not only do they not rent shoes, but there aren't any jeans allowed (which of course you were wearing) and you needed to wear a collared shirt.

Now, this is where you need to learn to back down because after buying shoes, pants, a collared shirt, a new glove, breast cancer golf balls, green fees, and rental clubs... you dropped about $300 on a game of golf. ouch.

The up shot to all of this... like a mastercard commercial. Playing golf in Charleston South Carolina with 15 other horrible players just out to have fun, soaking up some fresh air, riding around looking for alligators, losing all the balls you bought, hearing the stodgiest uncle of yours (Bruce) say "fuck" twice, laughing out loud, and parring twice in your first 18 hole game of golf is absolutely priceless.

Later that evening, everyone stood up for about five minutes while the JOP married your cousin to Mary and then danced and danced. You and your younger brother, Nathan, left early to go meander around Charleston. It is a beautiful city for a lady to be escorted around by her little brother, who passed for a 22 year old going to Princeton, at the bar for the after party. Five rum and cokes later, he was still a great escort; you were fairly impressed. A couple of weeks ago a native from the area told you to go to Foley Beach, so you and Nathan and City Boy headed out there after the after party and ... well .. you almost went swimming, but Nathan said that sharks like to feed in the moonlight. So you drew pictures in the sand and waded into your waist... moving around a lot... figured you wouldn't be eaten if you were a moving target.

After an eight-hour drive home you curled up with your cat, Trece, and was partially suffocated by him.