the constitution

You used to call the women in your life, “Mah Bitches.” You and “Mah Bitches” decided to lay down the law one night. Too much wine was involved.

We the People of this small group of women do hereby declare that all women should have good sex. By this declaration, the following provides a guideline to the "hook-up":
Criteria
I. Men should be
a. Well endowed
b. Not F-U-G-L-Y
c. Must kiss passionately
d. With tongue
e. With hands on body
f. Must have enough money to pay for cab home or at least have decency to wait while searching for cab.
g. Name must be given
h. No substantial criminal record
i. No mention of ex/current attachment
j. Must buy one (1) + drink
k. Must be taller than female
l. Must be interested in female’s conversation
m. Must have a hearty laugh (crow’s feet a plus, but not mandatory)
n. Must have seen and can recite lines from favorite movie
o. Must have shared interests
i. Hobbies
ii. Sports
iii. Music
p. Must have ability to walk on own, and must not fall down when walking.
II. Rules
a. Judge has three (3) denials to one (1) veto of defendant
b. Must call judge by 2:00 AM for approval
c. Judge has ultimate veto power on the following persons:
i. Friends of one (1) + year
ii. Siblings/relatives of friends
iii. Ex/past relationships
1. Old (read: scary) men
2. Dealers
3. Drunken “starers”
4. Emotional fuckwits
5. Manipulators
6. “it’s too bad you don’t like it up the butt.”
7. For some of us, who are turning a “new leaf” – substantial relationship must be in place (hereby known as the “Penelope Clause”)
III. At any time this Constitution may be amended, providing no substantive requirement is altered or removed without prior approval by a majority of the women.
a. A quorum must be present to initiate any amendments to the Constitution
i. Novelty (Exception to the Rules & Criteria)
1. Gay
2. Foreign (solely visiting country)
3. Famous athlete/celebrity
4. Military
5. Aristocrats/diplomats
Addiction is a progressive illness, please return to wherever it was in the journey that you came from. This was just an illustration of your insanity.