Another journal entry, Day 28:
“Scribbling furiously because i needed to get something out, but i still feel it in me. i don't feel stapled to the ground, i feel like exploding.
‘You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star’ nietzsche
restless and just wanting to quit, to switch positions, to leave, serious depression and wanting to escape. the whole, i can't do it, let go let god. i can’t hold onto that. i feel like i need to go find a safe place and curl up and die. i don’t know why. i want it to go away, someone FIX me. something fix me. i give up. and yet, there's nothing, no immediate fix. i breathe deep, i yogi, i pay attention to what? that fourth dimension. and still have enough energy, enough self- knowledge, to end this. what am i going to do tomorrow, that's what i would ask one of the people that i am supposed to help. I don’t know what i'm doing tomorrow, going to a picnic, supposed to see the guy that i gave my virginity to, go to a meeting, call izzi, pray motherfucker."
To do the things you’re supposed to do, turn to page 18.
To quit quitting, turn to page 8.
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