Because you have insomnia, or a guilty conscience, you're awake at 12:24AM on a work night. You are also incredibly old because up at 12:25AM on a work night isn't really that late. When did you become so lame? Meh. Own it.
You wonder if writing down some of your crazier thoughts will exorcise them. You wonder if it will cause more damage, a blog is a public space after all. You convince yourself that you're not that important and that no one reads this thing anyway. You are not too hopeful about the exorcism either.
While taking a piss earlier tonight you realized that you haven't thought about the vision wall in a long time. Where did those pictures go? Of you and Phillip and your imaginary family. You always imagined Oliver would be the first child, making the gender ratio more men than women in the house. Phillip's current family is his wife and daughter and mother, who lives close by, and female cousin soon to go to university. These are dangerous thoughts to write out. These could hurt her feelings if she knew them.
It'd be better not to say anything here. If this is not the place, stop writing, take a bath, brush your teeth, drink some tea. Do anything other than write something you may regret. Exercise restraint of pen and tongue.
If you think this is the place to air out fantasies and ignore the tenth step, reconsider your motivations and pray for the willingness to be a kind human being.
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